I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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