what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
