If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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