i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
