Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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