i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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