dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize