rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
