Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
