Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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