More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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