thus making me awesome and them whores
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
