i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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