Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
