he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
