I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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