so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
