You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
