What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
