Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
