True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
