I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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