I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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