I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
