I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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