He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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