and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
