Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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