Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
