So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
