Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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