Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
