capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
