its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His nipple licking is glorious
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