I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
