I think scott just propositioned me for sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
