id be glad to
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
