My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
