areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize