She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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