Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
