Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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