he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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