he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
