You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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