Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
