Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
