but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's get the cat blown out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
