Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize