We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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