Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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