How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
is it fun? or sober?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
