I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
