k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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