how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How's work?
Spinning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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