Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
