fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
