Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
