ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
