As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
