Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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