Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
