well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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