dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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