guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
