Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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