I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He passed out mid-signature
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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