I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
