dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
