Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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