We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
