she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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