rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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