he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
