We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
