Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
