Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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