yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize