Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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