He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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