Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
