We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
