i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
