Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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