Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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