I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize