new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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