I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
