Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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