This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
