i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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