funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize