How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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