turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
