i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
