I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
