I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
