She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
