Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
